I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
