Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
