careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
My pussy is not your playground.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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