the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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