i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
