I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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