She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
