I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
