haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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