I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
