Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Randomize
