I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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