it hurts more in the daytime
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
