Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I stole a fireplace last night.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
