I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
