If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
