I want you more than these girls want KFC
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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