i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
