One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
