hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
