how can u be prego again
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize