I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
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