so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
