Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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