I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
