i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
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