he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
