GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
