How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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