i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
