it's not cheating when I paid for it
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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