good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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