well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
