i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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