Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize