he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
