i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
