there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
