I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
