Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize