I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
