Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
