i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
