If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
