He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
