I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
