nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
how do flat chested girls get laid?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize