Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
