That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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