Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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