So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
