why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
