I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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