I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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