I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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