I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
