i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
