never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
