May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
