I cannot find my penis.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
