I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
