I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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