Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
