Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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