Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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