hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
her vagine was all disorganized.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
