i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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