His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
