I think i sorta joined a cult last night
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize