i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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