I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize