i don't plan on having that self control this summer
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
