we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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