peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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