I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
