Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
