PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I had to cum in my sink.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
