Life is so much better after having sex.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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