I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
