Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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