What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
