super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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