I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
